What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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