I heard we made out
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
