do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
