Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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