i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize