i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
