Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
