You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
