i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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