I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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