you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need water and some morals
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
