Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My dick has a subreddit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
