My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
