woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
