my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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