I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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