He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
