Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
