i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
