I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
