i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
