So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
