At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
