i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We are two peas in an std pod
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize