Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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