Pappa wants mamma naked
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
