Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
