Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
