There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize