so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
