i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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