I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
