Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
