You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
