I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
