maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
