so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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