Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
