i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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