Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
