I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
