So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
