I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
