He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
