Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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