Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
