I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
