He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
