They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
