someone owes me an orgasm
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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