Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
