There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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