Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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