I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
