u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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