u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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