Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
