By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize