So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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