I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
