Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize