Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
