ugly people sure do ruin things
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
