A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
