sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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