So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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