if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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