its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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