we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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