I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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