sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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