Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
