had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
