Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
