Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
