Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
