My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
