look no pants
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
