I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
