I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
