I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
