In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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