Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Alive.
So much puke
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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