hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's like iHOP with fire
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize