You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
