her vagine was all disorganized.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
