ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he thought i was a dude.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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