I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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