some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
