I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
