Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Randomize
