Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
