Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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