I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
