Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
