so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
either way he was missing a nipple.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
