yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
