i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
