I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
