oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
