I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
