Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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